Vocation: My Mission in Life

The dictionary defines the word ‘vocation’ as a particular occupation, business, or profession; calling. It can also be defined as a function or station in life to which one is called by God. Growing up Catholic, I heard this word a lot when I was in school. I think it was the Catholic Church’s not-so-subtle way of trying to recruit boys into becoming priests. “Normal people have careers, but those true to God know what their vocation is,” I recall Sister Mary Somethingorother telling me once. The way I figure it, if God wanted me to become a priest, He wouldn’t have created boobs.

Still, I believe in the concept of vocation. I believe we are all placed on Earth for a purpose; to play a specific role in His creation. I whole-heartedly believe God has blessed me with a divine task during my time here on Earth, but it has nothing at all to do with being a man of the cloth. Ironically, however, my vocation is one that still requires people to call me father. Two people to be exact.

There is no doubt in my mind my sole purpose in life is to be an exceptional dad. Not a good dad. Not a great dad. Not just an a’ite dad. An exceptional dad. A phenomenal dad. The best dad ever.

Granted, I know I can never be that. Like a perfect GPA in college, once you slip up, you can never get back to 4.0. It’s mathematically impossible. I believe my life’s journey and the transgressions I’ve experienced are akin to that, and those decisions will forever stain my resume as a dad. Nevertheless, I am resolved to make an effort every day and with everything I do to atone for the sins of my past. I am very fortunate my children were so young when my first wife and I split up, and their frame of reference continues to shift from a memory of mommy and daddy together to that of what our current situation reflects.

All that being said, I strive to be the best parent to my children I can possibly be. I like to think I don’t spoil them, yet there is not much which they lack in terms of the ‘things’ they have. By my standard as a kid growing up, my children are very rich. Still, I make sure they appreciate the value of money. I teach them to be respectable and honest, kind and unselfish. I do my best to lead by example; often times forgoing something I want to do in order to teach them the lesson of what is the right thing to do.

As they get older, I find I must give up some of the strict disciplinarian role in order to make room for the more patient and wise consultant. Gone are the days of very narrow limitations and binary choices that set the boundaries they knew as infants and toddlers. Now their choices are quite multiple, all with varying levels and parameters of depth, impact, and consequence. I find where before I would raise my voice and fall back on my trusted “because I say so” argument, I now break into mini-pep talks where the discipline is found in the lesson of the moment. Put another way, I’ve evolved from Nick Saban into Tony Dungy.

I say all this knowing I don’t do it alone. I’ve always said about my ex-wife that I would not want anyone else to be the mother of my children. She and I have always been on the same page when it comes to parenting, and I am so damn lucky that through all that happened, that aspect of our relationship never changed.

Being a dad is not always easy, but it is so incredibly rewarding. I feel it whenever I am complimented about my children. It’s a sense of validation and justification for the many trials and tribulations that come with being a parent. From a long term perspective, my vision is of two individuals who are pillars of their respective communities. Strong and intelligent leaders who are also humble and reverent human beings. That is what I want my kids to become, and that is what I feel it is my mission in life to produce. That is my contribution to my community and this planet. That is my vocation.

As a quick aside, my dad would have been seventy-seven years old today. I wish he were still around to see how beautiful, charming, witty, and fun his grandchildren have become. But I know he’s in Heaven looking down and smiling, and thankful that I never ended up becoming a priest.

Dad-tastic

As I look back on memories of my life, I can think about personal accomplishments as a youth both on the track and on the field. I’ve been part of championship teams (little league). I’ve had personal accomplishments in school (student body President, Scholar-Athlete of the Year). I remember the feeling of opening the acceptance letter from Tulane University. I can look back at promotions and salary bumps in the fourteen years since I graduated from college. I recall taking a cruise with 500 of my closest friends and rocking my butt off. I’ve even jumped out of a plane.

Still all those memories and all those feelings pale in comparison to the feeling of being a dad. These past two days, I’ve been so blessed to see the culmination of two of Daniel’s activities. Monday night saw him graduate from a Tiger scout to a Wolf scout. It was really just a formality as all other Cub Scouts also crossed over to their next level of scouting. Still, I felt a sense of pride as I looked back on all of Daniel’s accomplishments in his first year as a scout, and all the wonderful memories we shared together. I am excited at the idea of being more involved next year, and I know the overall scouting experience will continue to get better as Daniel gets older.

This brings us to Tuesday and the championship game for Daniel’s basketball season. What started out as my stumbling into an assistant coaching position – I was helping out the first night and the coach asked me if I wanted to formally help him out – turned into a 7-1 season record and a fairly convincing first round playoff win. That lead us to the championship game on Tuesday night against the team that handed us our lone loss of the season; a loss that came in sudden-death overtime after the game ended in regulation with a tie.

Coach Darrell and myself have been on the same page since day one, and in addition to teaching fundamentals, we’ve also tried hard to make the overall experience fun for the kids on the team. We’ve also done a good job in getting everyone involved, and that is evident by the fact that every player on our team scored at least once this season. Tuesday night was no different and we had five of our eight players score a basket. Still, as it was 2 weeks ago, the game ended in regulation with a tie.

We actually had to come from behind to tie the game, and we did so with a set play we had worked on time and time again in practice. DJ, coach Darrel’s son, dribbled the ball down court, allowed his teammates to setup offensively, and made a solid pass into the post to Brandon. Brandon, as we instructed him to do all year, turned and made the shot for the 2 points and tied the game. It was great to see it executed so well, and Darrell and I knew we had a play to which we could turn on the next possession.

We never got a chance to set that play up again and we found ourselves tied 10-10 as the final whistle blew. This game would also be decided in sudden-death overtime. We won the tip and immediately instructed DJ to setup the play to Brandon in the post. The opposing coach, however, made the necessary adjustment and had assigned a better defender on Brandon, thus preventing DJ getting the ball to his desired teammate. However, the defensive adjustment left Daniel covered by a different player, and as DJ dribbled worriedly in hopes of finding Brandon wide-open, there was Daniel all alone in front of the basket.

“Pass it to Daniel” I shouted out to DJ, and he did just that. “Shoot it! Shoot it! SHOOT IT!!!!!” That’s when everything slowed down. The next couple of seconds played out in super slow motion as Daniel pivoted to his left, looked up at the hoop, and let the ball fly. All I heard was my heart beat. THUMP THUMP …… THUMP THUMP …… THUMP THUMP. The ball hit the front of the iron, took an excruciating bounce upwards and found its way into the basket and through the net.

Back on May 3rd, I wrote about my experience with Daniel’s first ever basket in a game. I mentioned how it took everything to keep me from running out on the court and hugging him. Well, we had just won the championship. Daniel, with his soft shot, had just won the championship, and run out on the court and hug him is exactly what I did. I picked him up, his smile competing in size with mine, and gave him a big kiss. My heart just wanted to burst and I was just elated with pride and joy. It was amazing and inexplicable, and it was a feeling I will never ever forget.

And as I look back on the many, many high’s in my life, I know they will always take a back seat to the high’s of watching my kids succeed and the absolute and blessed pleasure that comes from being a dad.

Disney Yes, Discount No

Mickey Mouse is a thief. He's a ruthless, uninhibited scoundrel who will simply walk up to you in broad daylight and take your money. Okay, so my hyperbole is a bit on the extreme side, but anyone who is a parent, knows a parent or has ever traveled to Lake Buena Vista, Florida will tell you that almost all things Disney are not wallet friendly.

Case in point, Lee and I took the kids Friday night to see "Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert featuring Jonas Brothers" in Disney Digital 3-D. Early word is the movie is up for an Oscar for most exhausting title. The tongue-twisting title aside, I thought it would be cool to take the kids to the movie. Both Natalie and Daniel are HM fans and, like 99% of all other parents out there, I could not afford the reported $2000 to $3000 for tickets to her actual concert. It was a Friday night and we hadn't been to the movies in a while, so I figured, "Why not?"

Little did I know this Disney movie came with Disney prices! Whereas a normal night at the movies would have cost $9 for each adult ticket and only $6 for each kid, little Missy Montana set me back $63 for the four of us. Yep, you read that correctly. $63!! That's $15 per ticket (no discount for the kiddos) and, to add insult to fiscal injury, a $3 convenience fee. Thank you very much, Mr. Bob Iger (CEO of Disney). You've managed to gouge me yet again.

Don't get me wrong. This is not a rant against the cash cow that is Disney. (Well, maybe it is just a little bit). Rather, it's an observation that as much as we shake our head in disbelief at the money we spend on Disney movies, CD's, DVD's, theme parks, t-shirts, etc., I have always found the end result to be completely worth it. There is a high level of quality that goes into the Disney experience, and with regards to Mickey's Kingdom, the saying holds true that you get what you pay for.

Specific to the Hannah Montana movie, I was pleasantly surprised at how well the whole thing was put together. The shots from the concert were interspersed with behind the scenes footage of Miley Cyrus rehearsing for the show, transforming herself into Hannah, and other tidbits that made the movie as interesting for the grownups as it was entertaining for the kids. Throw in the added coolness of digital 3-D and the end result is a high quality, high energy, and highly entertaining event.

Still, I can't help but be taken aback at the decision to price the movie so high. Not to mention the fact there was a table set up in the theater selling Hannah Montana CD's and DVD's at $20 each. It's not like Miley needs the money. It's not like Disney needs the money. As a parent, I was disappointed with the pricing scheme. As a consumer, I was nearly appalled. For as much as Disney bills themselves as a family friendly corporation, the outrageousness of their pricing is anything but.

Still, it's Disney. They're like the lovable, evil empire. They're everywhere and there's no escaping Mickey's grasp. It's not like I can boycott them, and considering I have two kids I don't think I'd want to either. Not only would a Disney boycott mean no more Magic Kingdom and a severe restriction on the movies to which I could take my kids, it would also mean boycotting ABC and ESPN, both of which are owned by Disney. Given the fact Lee and I have tickets to ESPN the Weekend which will be held at Disney, I guess my only option is to sell one of my kidneys on eBay and hold a fundraiser for extra cash.

Anyone got a couple hundred bucks they can spot me?

The Eyes Have It

The other day I had the chance to be in the audience for the Mike and Mike in the Morning show at Disney’s Boardwalk. In the course of the show, Mike Greenberg mentioned how he got to experience Disney’s Magic Kingdom for the first time through the eyes of his kids. Specifically, his four year-old Stevie. This made me think about the numerous times I had been to Disney and how it all changed the first time I went with my kids. It truly is a different experience.

Seeing things again for the first time is one of the many benefits and joys of being a parent. It’s a subtle reminder of the everyday items we tend to take for granted. As an IT professional, my days are filled with e-mails, instant messages, text messages and the occasional page (yes, I still carry a pager). So it was almost second nature when I took my Nintendo DS and showed my daughter that with it I can connect to her Nintendo DS and we could IM each other. She thought it was neat, but my son Daniel thought it was the next best thing to oxygen!

So I sit here pecking away at the keys on my laptop watching my two kids revel in the magic and mystery that is Nintendo’s PictoChat program. At first I had to explain to Daniel that typing a message on his DS, sending it, then running over to his sister to tell her what his message is defeats the purpose of the whole thing. Nevertheless, it is still cool to feel a newfound appreciation for a technology that to me seems so commonplace.

Of course the vicarious euphoria is not limited to gizmos and gadgets. Every time we go somewhere where there is a person in costume, Daniel’s smile stretches from ear to ear. I don’t know what his affinity is to mascots and other costumed characters, but it’s clear to see he truly enjoys it and as a result so do I.

It’s been a while since I have gone to Disney World with my kids. After seeing them just work away with their DS’s and go back and forth and back and forth, I am thinking a trip to visit Mickey won’t be too far away. Besides, I haven’t been to Disney with Lee, and the only thing that compares to seeing things through the eyes of your child is sharing a wonderful experience with the person you love!