When Others Don’t Believe In You

In an effort to write with greater frequency, my friends and I came up with the idea of pooling our collective brain power and writing once a week about various and random topics. The idea is that we’d each take a day of the week and publish our unique stab at the issue at hand. Thus, Random Writers was born.

We wrote down a list of things about which we’d like to ponder, discuss, and write. Then we took each item and selected at random, of course, 15 topics to cover each week through the rest of the year.

I was confidently blasé with our first topic: How do you deal with people who don’t believe in you? “That’s easy,” I told myself. “Two words: *bleep* you!” Really, why would I care if someone doesn’t believe in me? As far as I’m concerned, it’s *SHRUG* and move on.

The more I pondered it, however, the more I realized it’s not that easy. To just write off those who don’t believe in me is to grossly simplify the issue, and one of the purposes of the vehicle that is Random Writers is to provide depth and perspective; to flesh out in written word the questions and topics that may weigh us down at times.

I thought and thought and thought, and I kept finding myself striking out in terms of how to best answer the question. I searched through my past for examples of people who didn’t believe in me, and I had a tough time coming up with an instance that was applicable. I thought about how I would respond today if someone didn’t believe in me, and just like that, the answer presented itself. Well, part of the answer at least.

As a result of my internal deliberations, I discovered that how I would respond to such a situation is completely a matter of proximity.

There’s a saying. “If you want to be successful, surround yourself with smart people. If you want to be really successful, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you.” I’ve tried to apply that in my life. I like to look at my collection of friends – my extended family, if you will – and see there are no idiots in the bunch. Sure, we’ve all had our idiotic moments – I myself am at the forefront of that list – but all in all, those that fill my life with love and support are smart, intelligent, and giving people.

As with most things, there are degrees.

There are casual acquaintances. You know, the ones you wave hello to from across the room and sometimes have a tough time remembering their names. There are also friends you know and have hung out with, but you see them few and far between, and the friendship is mostly confined to exchanging comments on Facebook or Twitter. Then there are good friends you invite to special occasions like weddings or holiday parties. And then I have my core, inner-circle friends. These are the people I’d call first if there were an emergency or crisis in my life.

The closer someone is to that inner-circle, the more I value their thoughts, feedback, and, most importantly, their opinion of me. This is what I mean by proximity. I couldn’t care less if an acquaintance of mine didn’t believe in me, but I would be quite devastated if one my core friends didn’t believe in my ability to accomplish something I set out to do. Same thing if they completely dismissed an idea or dream of mine. Because I hold in such high regard those that make up my core circle of friends, their doubt in me would in turn lead me to doubt myself.

The other part of my answer came to me in a dream, and I truly believe it was God helping me find what I needed in order to write this post. In my dream, I was living alone in an apartment and all my neighbors hated me. They wanted me to move out and they would remind of this on a daily basis by leaving boxes and other moving materials at my doorstep. I remember feeling angry and thinking how wrong they were. I remember promising myself in my dream that I would not move. Whatever it took and no matter how hard they made it, I was staying.

What that translates to for me is resolve. I am sure I will encounter many naysayers in my life as I pursue projects or ideas or help others in their own endeavors. I’ve learned the answer is not to simply dismiss them with a “*bleep* you”, but rather to look them in the eye and say, “Just watch.”

Be resolved in your pursuits and let determination be your fuel.  Couple that with keeping an open ear to the counsel of those you trust and respect, and success is sure to follow.

Please be sure to check out Jeff Smith‘s take on this question as he covers this topic in his blog on Tuesday.

Giving In

It’s a daily struggle for me to get into gear. The blessing that is working from home has a flip side, a side that is weighted down by sluggishness and complacency. I thoroughly enjoy not having to commute into work, but I also have to fight myself to ‘get going’ in the mornings and get the ball rolling. Sometimes inspiration - not to mention the crack of the boss’ whip - comes soon after 8:00 AM. Other times I feel like I don’t get out of second gear until well past 10:00.

Still, there is no rhyme or reason as to why or when the moment of energetic infusion hits. It could be a pressing deliverable for work, it could be a crisis situation (which in my work world usually means systems outage), or it could be the right song playing on the radio at the just right time.

Sometimes it’s a tweet from a friend. Sometimes it’s a blog post that I take a moment to read because, after all, I don’t feel like doing much of anything else. Sometimes something as simple as someone’s Facebook status can change my perspective and outlook for the day.

Inspiration is funny like that. She’s a clever little devil.

I’ve had this voice in my head for the past month now. It was a little, nagging whisper I’ve been ignoring for some time, and it finally go to me today.

“You need to write more!”

For weeks and weeks, it was there like that faint buzz you sometimes hear when an electronic device is turned on. I’d simply cast it aside like an annoying pet begging for food next to the dinner table.

“Go away. I’m ‘busy’.”

“No you’re not. You’ve been staring at ESPN.com for thirty five minutes.”

So as I gave into my lack of motivation this morning, I was bombarded online by message after message after message. It’s as if this little voice took over the Internet and deliberately directed content my way.

There was a tweet about how Rome wasn’t built in a day, but at some point the project DID start. My friend wrote a blog the mentions how Stephen Kings writes every day. Another friend’s blog got me thinking about what my calling is, and whether or not that voice in my head has something to do with it. This all came to a head when I received notification that someone I admire and is an inspiration to me is following me on twitter (yeah, I don’t get it either).

So here I am … BAM … shaking off the morning molasses and feeding the voice in my head. Call her my muse, call her a bitch; either way, both are probably correct.

Lazy is tempting seductress, one that fills you with emptiness and the regrets of missed opportunities. I know her well. Still, you never know when inspiration is going swoop in to help save you from lazy’s quicksand grip. Once she does, however, don’t let yourself hide behind excuses. I know I have.

The reward of the accomplishment is in looking back at all that was overcome to reach that point.

The Rita Recap

I struggled with how to begin this post. I literally did not know where to begin. So instead I decided to just list thoughts at random and with each one thank God for the blessing that it was.

Lee and I hosted a party on Friday, July 3, to celebrate our marriage in June. We knew we wanted to target about 100 people for the shindig, and we also knew that given the party was on a holiday weekend, many of the invited guests would likely have previous commitments or would not be able to afford travelling in from out of town. We thought we'd do well with about 50 - 65 people showing up for the party. There were actually over 90 individuals who attended our Rockin' Rita Celebration, and Lee and I are so blessed to have the friends and family that we do.

The party itself is a bit of a blur, not so much because of all the adult beverages that were consumed, although that does play a bit of a factor in the hazy memories, but mostly because it was one of those nights that were so much fun, time just zipped by. It was a sensory overload of music, laughter, great food and tequila shots. There was so much going on, it was hard to spend enough time on any one thing. Lee and I are so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with a great party planner and host such a fantastic event.

The night began with music by our friend Chris Glover. Not only was Chris gracious enough to perform at our party, he also provided the complete setup for the musical entertainment that evening. He lugged his equipment, including show lights, from his home in Orlando all the way to Treasure Island, Florida. That's at least a two hour drive, and the party would not have been the same without his help and participation. Lee and I are so blessed to have such talented and giving friends.

Lee and I then took part in our Unity Cocktail ceremony. Many of you have heard of unity candles and sand mixing ceremonies. Our Unity Cocktail was like that …. but only better. Our dear friend Matt Harrington performed the ceremony in which we took the ingredients of a margarita, each of which represented Lee, myself and our family and friends, mixed them together and produced, dare I say, one of the best margaritas I've ever had.

Matt then proceeded to surprise Lee and me with his gift. Now, I have to clarify that Matt is a talented musician – regardless of what he'll tell you – and he once had his own band back in the day. It had been over five years since Matt sat down and wrote a song, but that's exactly what he did for us as our gift. It was beautiful and heartfelt and completely amazing. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. Lee and I are so blessed to have such creative and selfless friends.

The night progressed with a sunset toast outside of the venue on the soft sand of Sunset Beach. It was so amazing to look around and see so many people out there who traveled both near and far to share in that moment with us. We had visitors from New Hampshire, Alabama, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Miami, North Carolina, Tallahassee, the Orlando area, and one near miss from Brazil via New York (we really missed you at the party, Juli). It is so humbling to have so many individuals willing to travel to be with us, and Lee and I are again so very blessed to be surrounded by such loving people.

Following the festivities outside, we all moved inside for music by Dirty Shannon, photo booth fun by Elise Schreiner Photography, and continued joviality provided by our emcee and good friend Kurt. It was a whirlwind of fun and excitement and more shots of tequila, and the night was marred only by me forcing cats to commit suicide by singing along – on microphone, no less - to The Outfield's 'Lose Your Love'. Other than that, the night was perfect.

Lee then surprised me with my own groom's cake in the form of a bottle of Patron Silver Tequila. It was chocolate, it was awesome and ultimately it was very messy. Everything was just as we'd hoped it would be, with the exception that it all went by too fast and we didn't get a chance to spend quality time with everyone. (FYI. We registered on SeeYouThen.com so that those of you who attended can share your pictures from the event with everyone else. I tip my hat to the team at SeeYouThen.com for their fantastic work in putting together the template for our site: http://gilandlee.seeyouthen.com/)

Personally, I need to thank everyone once again for coming out and for making it one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I also want to apologize to you all for not getting around to sitting down with you, saying hi and just catching up. I guess with so many guests it was a nice problem to have, but still I feel that I missed so many of you, and for that I am truly sorry.

When I stop to think about and reflect on that wonderful evening, my heart feels like bursting from all the love you all have given Lee and me. I am also both graciously overjoyed and sincerely humbled by the many blessings that fill my life. Thank you, each and every one of you.