Giving In

It’s a daily struggle for me to get into gear. The blessing that is working from home has a flip side, a side that is weighted down by sluggishness and complacency. I thoroughly enjoy not having to commute into work, but I also have to fight myself to ‘get going’ in the mornings and get the ball rolling. Sometimes inspiration - not to mention the crack of the boss’ whip - comes soon after 8:00 AM. Other times I feel like I don’t get out of second gear until well past 10:00.

Still, there is no rhyme or reason as to why or when the moment of energetic infusion hits. It could be a pressing deliverable for work, it could be a crisis situation (which in my work world usually means systems outage), or it could be the right song playing on the radio at the just right time.

Sometimes it’s a tweet from a friend. Sometimes it’s a blog post that I take a moment to read because, after all, I don’t feel like doing much of anything else. Sometimes something as simple as someone’s Facebook status can change my perspective and outlook for the day.

Inspiration is funny like that. She’s a clever little devil.

I’ve had this voice in my head for the past month now. It was a little, nagging whisper I’ve been ignoring for some time, and it finally go to me today.

“You need to write more!”

For weeks and weeks, it was there like that faint buzz you sometimes hear when an electronic device is turned on. I’d simply cast it aside like an annoying pet begging for food next to the dinner table.

“Go away. I’m ‘busy’.”

“No you’re not. You’ve been staring at ESPN.com for thirty five minutes.”

So as I gave into my lack of motivation this morning, I was bombarded online by message after message after message. It’s as if this little voice took over the Internet and deliberately directed content my way.

There was a tweet about how Rome wasn’t built in a day, but at some point the project DID start. My friend wrote a blog the mentions how Stephen Kings writes every day. Another friend’s blog got me thinking about what my calling is, and whether or not that voice in my head has something to do with it. This all came to a head when I received notification that someone I admire and is an inspiration to me is following me on twitter (yeah, I don’t get it either).

So here I am … BAM … shaking off the morning molasses and feeding the voice in my head. Call her my muse, call her a bitch; either way, both are probably correct.

Lazy is tempting seductress, one that fills you with emptiness and the regrets of missed opportunities. I know her well. Still, you never know when inspiration is going swoop in to help save you from lazy’s quicksand grip. Once she does, however, don’t let yourself hide behind excuses. I know I have.

The reward of the accomplishment is in looking back at all that was overcome to reach that point.

Paving the Way

There once was a man on the road to hell.

He paid no attention, stumbled and fell.

Of which it was paved there was no contention.

His road was paved with my good intentions.


When I wrote about resolutions at the beginning of the year, I laid out several goals I plan to accomplish before the end of the first quarter. As I look at the calendar, I am slowly starting to freak out. Rather than meticulously lay out a plan, focus on each step and deliverable, and complete the task at hand, I am instead worrying about whether or not I am going to get it done on time.

If inspiration and determination get things done, then procrastination is their evil nemesis. For some reason, my ability lately to follow through has been horrible. Even the little things are such a struggle. I allow myself to fall into the trap of “I’ll just do it later” and then it never gets done.

As I posted at the beginning of this writing challenge effort, I am severely lacking the discipline I need in order to develop a routine with my tasks. I’ve made putting things off and losing momentum on new projects an art. Heck, I started writing this entry over two hours ago. A little distraction here, a bigger distraction there; and now I find myself pressing just to get this entry posted so I can go to sleep.

What’s really bothersome is that I wake up every morning with the intention of hammering out every item that day. “This is the day I am going to get caught up on all those little, miscellaneous to-do items,” I tell myself. “This is the day I get it all done.” Then it simply never gets done. Those good intentions continue to be magically transformed into pavers for the road to hell. Once I realized I’ve wasted yet another day, I just get so mad and frustrated at myself.

It’s the same with dieting and exercising. I know what I HAVE to do. I know what I NEED to do. Still, for some reason, I let those fall victim to all the things I WANT to do. Better yet, I let those tasks I need and have to do be bundled into the forgotten pile of things I DON’T want to do. Out of sight, out of mind.

The solution is easy. Start on one task and don’t stop until it’s completed. Rather than looking at the whole and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and shameful, I know I need to break it all into bite-sized pieces that are easier to manage. It’s not that I can’t or don’t know how to get it done. I simply make it too easy for myself to become lazy and/or distracted.

And perhaps me putting these thoughts online will make me feel more accountable for my inactions, and force me to do a better job of planning, executing, and ultimately delivering on every item I set out to complete. I need to transition from laying the bricks on the road to hell to realizing the successful completion of another item on my list.

Getting started is always the hard part. I’m not sure how I will develop that routine I seek, but I am sure I will figure it out …… tomorrow.